Some great scientists say that the only difference between humans and animals is humans create dual reality. Name it as creativity, religion, myth, imagination, whatever - those are forms of dual reality; that we see what we do not see. And here I am, trapped in my dual reality.

This year is harsh for me. I am free from a stressful job in a stressful city without expecting another stressful condition: being alone.  Last year I was lonely, but now, I am alone - literally. My five closest women moved out of the city. I had a chance to visit three of them in Bandung and Bali, and for the others, I only had a chance to call her because she resides in Papua, and others one only through texts since she continues her study in Uncle Sam's country. I lost the five closest connections that share common interests with me: art, environment, and economics - at the same time. I create a dual reality every time I sit alone in front of my computer that I try to be happy alone.

Then another crappy thing ahead: I am frustrated by the ethical review for my three types of research on my campus, and I need more challenge in work; I know I need a friend. I try to make new close friends but always fail. I often later found a fundamental thing that differentiates me from the so-called "new" friends. I am no better than them; I am not saying my stance is better; it is just that we are different.

I easily grow fondness of strong young women who respect arts and science in the same proportion, the women who really know what she wants to do in their life. Because of growing a healthy relationship with these women, I grow stronger and more inspired every single time we have coffee or tea or talk about silly things in life. They make me realize what I really want to do in my life, what kind of job I really want to pursue, and what skills I require, and all things that I am doing right now are inspired by them. I learn about economics, arts, writing, love, traveling, military spirit, sports - even cosmetics from them. My dual reality - just like arts. Sometimes, what is delivered to our eyes cannot be interpreted the same way they are.

Now I really miss them.

But here I create my dual reality again: I believe that this is the challenge that I need to step on it, a period when you and your closest friends are apart, chasing each other's dream, and in several years you will meet them again in the more mature, experienced, and lot-of-stories-to-tell individual. Fortunately, during this period, an older woman came into my life and taught me many things to be stronger than I was.

Last night I dreamed that I was having such a good time with my partner, then I went upstairs and met those ladies, one by one.

Dual reality helps human seeks meaning and self-worth, and that is mine.